With advances in A.I., we're now able to make appliances that can detect more than just smoke. Soon, you will be able to install the following new highly perceptive ceiling-mounted detectors.
IRONY Detector: Whether you're having a party or just an intimate meet-up with a few friends, failing to catch even a shade of irony in conversation can leave you looking for the nearest fire exit.
DISHEVELMENT Detector: You look up and see a detector flashing red, which can mean only one thing: you look awful. Sure enough, you're wearing pajama bottoms, flip-flops, a stained sweatshirt, and a hat that your four-year-old put on your head to make her laugh.
JUST LISTEN Alarm: This alarm clangs when your partner is rattling on about the day's annoyances and frustrations. Heed this alarm and bite your tongue! Your partner does not want advice; he or she wants you to Just Listen™.
FRESH PODCAST Alert: There is a new podcast, somewhere, anywhere, in the world, and now you know it. This damn thing won't shut up. We also sell heavy-duty, sound-muffling blankets
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